Resilience Reflections

How can we hold unto hope when we no longer trust that things will turn out okay?

If we are feeling hopeless, how can we trust that that things will turn out okay? Without hope- the faith in something good- we can become skeptical of the world around us, feel despair,  and may stop trusting easily. If we allow the negative events to overshadow positives ones,  we feel less trust and more distrust, less hope and more doubt, less courage and more fear. This holds us back from hoping, from believing  that something good can happen. Losing hope leads to despair and existential dread.  It is sometimes easier to ignore facts when realities that are difficult to accept or to instead create a bubble of 'false' hope. 

Unrealistic or 'false' hope prevents us from fully acknowledging things that are not okay. It can keep us from letting go of something that may no longer serve us.  For example, it can be difficult to accept that we placed faith in something that was not trustworthy, such as thinking that selling a cleaning product line from your home would turn a tidy profit but realizing that is is part of a pyramid scheme.  Clinging to unrealistic or false hopes can be a barrier because it prevents us from fully accepting a situation, moving on, or growing from the experience. It can also create disingenuous facades or toxic positivity, such as "it's all good", "everything will be fine" or "good vibes only". This type of false hope may create a barrier to genuine relationships when there facts are not accepted and difficult conversations are avoided.

How can letting go of old ideas, goals, and beliefs help us find new hope?

If avoidance is not the best way to deal with hopelessness, how does letting go help instill new hope?  'Realistic hope' allows us to both acknowledge that sometimes we need to let go of old ideas in order to open ourselves up to new, better ideas, accept other possibilities, and find another path.  Realistic hope may grow from the angst or painful realization of something that is difficult to accept. It can free us from clinging to limiting beliefs and false hope by letting go of what no longer aligns with reality. This may happen due to significant life event, such as an accident, or from a gradual realization that what you believed to be true is no longer the case. 

Katie Piper was a successful model in the UK who had acid thrown in her face by an ex-boyfriend. The horrific attack resulted in a long, painful recovery that included many surgeries. She eventually become  blind in one eye.  Piper let go of her dream to model and refocused her goals by using the traumatic event as a catalyst to  become a writer and an activist. She refocused her energy to give burn victims new hope, raising awareness around the pain, suffering, and other issues faced by survivors, and founding the Katie Piper Foundation in support of survivors' rehabilitation needs.

The Civil Rights Movement was a persistent and gradual awakening of new hope- that the United States should be desegregated. Americans had accepted the 'status quo' of Jim Crow laws in the South for several generations when the movement began in the mid 1940s,  pivoted forward by Rosa Parks' courageous refusal to sit at the back of the bus. Silent complacency gave way to a new hope for desegregation by speaking up and engaging in non-violent resistance.  The collective social awareness revealed the false narrative that segregation was 'acceptable', especially by those not directly impacted or even served by injustice. Cruel realities were acknowledged, ignoring the problem became unacceptable, and segregation was no longer  perceived as 'fine'. 

The message of holding hope was at the center of Martin Luther King Junior's legacy, as he stated in a speech given just a week before his death, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”. How do you find a new way to hold hope when things seem bleak? To find new hope, try to:

• Allow yourself to grieve "what might have been".
• Let go of false hope to accept what is and is not in your control.
• Explore what is possible and focus on a new path, perspective, or goal.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” –Desmond Tutu