Resilience Reflections

How can we hold unto hope when we no longer trust that things will turn out okay? When things look bleak and hopeless? 

If we are feeling hopeless, how can we trust that that things will turn out okay? Without hope- the faith in something good- we can become skeptical of the world around us, feel despair,  and may stop trusting easily. If we allow the negative events to overshadow positives ones,  we feel less trust and more distrust, less hope and more doubt, less courage and more fear. This holds us back from hoping, from believing  that something good can happen. Losing hope leads to despair and existential dread.  Sometimes it can be easier to ignore facts or the realities that are difficult to accept. Instead of losing hope one might instead create a bubble of 'false' hope. 

'Unrealistic' or 'false' hope prevents us from fully seeing a situation. It can keep us from learning, growing, and letting go of something that may no longer serve us.  For example, it can be difficult to accept that we placed faith in something that was not trustworthy, such as thinking that selling a cleaning product line from your home would turn a tidy profit but realizing that is is part of a pyramid scheme.  Clinging to unrealistic or false hopes can be a barrier because it prevents us from fully accepting a situation, moving on, or growing from the experience. It can also create disingenuous facades or toxic positivity, such as "it's all good", "everything will be fine" or "good vibes only". This type of false hope may create a barrier to genuine relationships when there facts are not accepted and difficult conversations are avoided.

If avoidance of reality is not the best practice, how does letting go of an idea, expectation, or goal help one have new hope?  'Realistic hope' allows us to acknowledge that sometimes we need to let go of some things in order to open ourselves up to better ideas, to accept other possibilities, and to find a new path.  Realistic hope  can actually grow from the angst or painful realization of something that is difficult to accept. It can free us from limiting beliefs and from clinging to false hope by letting go of what no longer fits or aligns with us.It can come from a very significant life event, such as an accident, or stem from a subtle realization that what you believed to be true in the past is no longer the case. 

Sometimes people find new hope after a traumatic event. Katie Piper was  a successful model in the UK when she had acid thrown in her face. The attack resulted in a long, painful recovery in the hospital and many surgeries. She eventually become  blind in one eye.  How did she find a new hope? She let go of the dream to model and used her acute awareness of the pain and suffering of burn victims as a catalyst to launch a new focus in her life. She became a writer, an activist, and established the Katie Piper Foundation in support of burn victims.

The Civil Rights Movement awakened many to the hope that the United States could be a better nation for all.  While Americans had accepted the 'status quo' of Jim Crow laws in the South for ninety years, Rosa Parks' refusal to sit at the back of the bus pivoted the movement forward. It led to a significant social awakening from complacency, to speaking up and non-violent resistance. The courage of those on the front lines, like Parks and others, offered new hope for desegregation. This awareness grew and revealed the 'false' narrative that segregation was acceptable, especially those not directly impacted by injustice. The realities of segregation were acknowledged by those who had previously ignored it, making it unacceptable to those not directly impacted. Segregation was no longer 'fine'. 

The message of holding hope was at the center of Martin Luther King Junior's legacy, as he stated in a speech given just a week before his death, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”.  How do you find a new way to hold hope when things seem bleak?

To renew hope or find new hope, try to:

• Allow yourself to grieve "what might have been".
• Let go of false hope to accept what is and is not in your control.
• Explore what is possible and focus on a new path, perspective, or goal.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” –Desmond Tutu